#IAMFREE

At a point in my life where I need to make a decision that could cost me ... or will it?

I love my parents to bits they are the best and I know everything they do is well within my best interests, every advice they give me every influence they have  in my decision making is all based on their personal experience and lessons they learned and their experience of life in general and it is all in the aim of making me a better person. they do all they can to make sure the best comes out of me and I appreciate all they do, it even pains me how much they get out of their way to make ways for us it is absolutely amazing ... tearing up as I type this ... and this goes out to most parents and guardians doing all they can to make sure they raise their children right

However what I will do differently is I will step out of the way... I don't know how possible this is for a parent but I'm hoping when I do become a parent I will read this and remember why I need to stay out of the way

I will stay out of the way because inasmuch it's my child they are God's and have a God given purpose, a purpose that God will reveal to them, a purpose that fulfils them a purpose that will actually bring out the best in them, this purpose is designed for them, they are born for exactly that purpose. This purpose surpasses any social order and could very well be a social wrong but this is what she needs to do.

I thank God that He started showing Himself to me in my youth because I get to share Him with my children from when they are born they get to grow up knowing the Holy Spirit having an intimacy with Him knowing His voice, with His help they will grow up hearing His voice the loudest over all other voices ... and that's why I am going to stay out of the way because I am going to let God parent my children for me

John 16: 13 "But when the Friend comes, the Spirit of the Truth, he will take you by the hand and guide you into all the truth there is"

Our opinion leaders, society, religion and social order make so many decisions for us; this is what you need to do that is what you shouldn't, you need to do this first before that, you can't do this now do it later, this is more important, don't do this don't do that ... These make it super hard getting into the purpose you were destined for, I know this because I'm faced with doing something that I know is my purpose but right now it goes against social order and it's absolutely terrifying

My mom taught me something; there's two truths, Truth #1. Is the truth as we know it in this world, by our minds, our five senses, our experiences and understanding of the world. Truth #2. Is the truth of God, the truth in the bible, it is the truth of Jesus, it is Jesus Himself (The way truth and life), It is the truth in us (Jesus lives in us)
You know the famous words "my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak" well that is a classic case of a normal Christian; a battle between what is truth to our canal being and what is true to our spirit being.
We say we are free but are we really? Am I?

Looking at myself I am in captivity, bound by a social time frame, bound by society's idea of how my life should be but most of all bound by my own attachment and need to fit into that society, bound to canal truth, bound to social order, ideologies and hegemony
for real, why do I need to fit into it, why am I even afraid to fail, is it mostly because it would hurt me or mostly because the reaction I would get from the society would hurt me? in simpler terms would failing even hurt me if the world hadn't put expectations for me?
well that is the story of my life right now, torn in between my most real spiritual being and my canal yet dominating self, torn in between two truths.
the conventional society truth forces me to live a life in a certain order to reach my goal, constructs reality for me pretty much black and white; go to school-get a job-live well (or not)

In the simplest and most A-rated way I like to think of myself as a Christian flower child ... I think that is one of the biggest reasons why Christ died, to free us from being slave to a conventional society, to live a flower child kind of life; carefree, take risks, fun, not uptight, fun, stand for love and peace, fun, worry free, fun... are you getting this? I strongly believe that God wants each and everyone of us to live our lives to the fullest he wants us to have fun and enjoy life, that's why he sent His son to die for us, to free us Jesus says in John 10:10 (...I have come that they may have life, and have it in all its fullness)

Jokingly this one time I wrote this as a caption of my boyfriend's photo with the flowers Snapchat filter "Jesus wore a crown of thorns so that we could wear a crown of flowers" but for real, He carried all the burden, took away all the curse and gave us blessings. God gave us all we need through the grace of Jesus and we receive it by faith but the world has convinced us that we have to labour to get the blessings well God says in Hebrews 4:11 "...Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest". The only work we should be putting in is towards entering His rest, entering this state of absolute trust in him, absolute faith, childlike faith in his parent, like the birds of the air and the flowers of the field

Matthew 6:25
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This is the spirit truth, it's the truth that burn inside me it is beautiful and exciting it sounds great, the Spirit is willing, but...
Every time I have to do something that I don't want to do all because I have to secure my future I honestly feel robbed. This is me saying every time I have to go to the exam room with puffy red eyes, looking crusty because I stayed up all night studying something I don't even like, something getting me deeper into mental captivity I hate it, I am upset, I want to cry, I don't want to and quite frankly I don't think I should.

I want to do the fun things only,  I'm jealous of people who get to do the fun stuff only, who make a living out of something they are passionate about and absolutely enjoy, get up every morning excited about the day ahead of them, excited about what they do. I want to travel the world and write as I'm being inspired by different people and different cultures, I want to visit hidden beaches, I want to get married young, I want to make Vlogs and be on radio, I want to change lives for the better, make a difference in people's lives, I want it all and I want it all now, I want to  live life the way it was meant to be, the life Jesus died to make possible for us -life in all its fullness

That is what living is, that is what it should be, that right there is freedom and I AM FREE...

that's why I'm staying out of the way