Deep Cries Out to Deep

Dear Elsie

I havn't written in a while, and I'm not really sure what to write about but I just feel this urge to write so here goes...

So this year... Lol this feels like a great place to start cause I've been silent all year.

This year was a big step for me, I decided as a 24 year old average looking girl with no academic qualifications, meaning chances of getting a good job or a rich husband and are both very slim (lol) to take a year off school and do a church internship programme. Frequently Asked Questions when I say I'm doing this internship incl: 'Does it pay?', 'Is it related to your field of study', 'can you get a job from doing it' -my humble, shy answer is always 'No' lol then they look at me funny. It's a year that you dedicate to serving in the church’. I call us the ‘minions’ lol the 'working bees', it's really that, a year or two that you commit to serving and building the church

It never really seemed like a good idea, it was rather a risk I decided to take, I remember going like "24 is a great age to make mistakes (if it's at all a mistake)". I did the internship because I felt called to serve in the church and my community. I have a dream for my community that people's lives change by knowing Jesus and I felt the internship was a good way to go about achieving that dream . Eight month's into it I can say it's been quite a journey, it was very character building and growing more than anything, I grew in my understanding of the word and my relationship with God has no doubt grown

I went through a season recently where I low-key felt out of love with God...don’t judge me
I was explaining this to my mother recently and I used the analogy of a newlywed couple, or even a new couple; yawl just got together or just got married and going through the ‘honeymoon phase’, this was me I was excited about God, passionate, spreading the news, always excited about spending time with Him; you always checking up, butterflies, young texts during the day like go monate maan... but this phase kinda fades away. That's where my relationship was with God, well, on my side, cause He feels about me how He always has, but on my side it was trying times

Like It's really easy for me to tap into 'worship mode', and start feeling the presense of God, you know, all the mooshy wooshy feelings where you are just undone by His presence. I don't even need music, I get alone with him and start praying, then speak in tongues then...🙌😭🙌🙋👃💦🙌😭...issa mess, undeniably being undone by the presense of God. This said, in this season I was like, ‘And then what? 'I feel like this then what?’ I was uninterested in all the 'mooshy wooshy' feelings, you know, that feeling we refer to as 'the presence of God'

For a while this hurt me, I mean, what did this mean for our relationship? Is it going to be like this forever? Are we done? Is it over? Not only did it hurt, but it was scary, I felt like I was losing God lol I know it sounds crazy cause God never leaves us but I honestly felt so away from God and it was scary cause I mean what even is my life without God's presence, like what does it mean

Back to the Newlyweds...
I always told myself that my honeymoon phase with my future husband (S/O future baby) would never fade, cause I just thought it’s the best thing, but as I was sharing this with my mom she stopped me right there and was like “the phase after the honeymoon phase is actually way better” and she explained that it’s actually where you aren’t necessarily still trying to impress each other so you get to be the most real with each other, you learn each other’s flaws yet choose to stay, you learn to love for who you truly are and aren’t, you learn to love despite
She was right, when the butterflies fly away the newlyweds don’t break up (well they shouldn’t👀). When the honeymoon phase ends it’s time for the next phase, a more authentic, deeper, more intimate relationship

I think we rob ourselves of God’s fullness when we limit Him to the ‘butterflies’ and feelings and goosebumps. I realized that God was calling me deeper, to a deeper level of our relationship

1 Corinthians 2
10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. 11 For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.12 What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us.

So this is where I currently am in my journey, at a transition to go deeper with God;
It’s uncomfortable, it’s growth, growth is never easy it takes discipline and commitment to mention a few...both of which I need to improve in.
But it's also exciting because my deepest desire is to know God deeper, the more I know God the more I know myself and what on earth I'm doing on this earth, so yeah, I'm happy😊

God Re-routes

A month ago, Me and Zoe, a friend of mine, had to find this house deep in Pretoria North, having never been in that specific area I had no idea how to find this place, fresh from Limpopo there was no hope in Zoe either, so we were basically about to get lost and be hobos in the streets of Pretoria North. However, thanks to my genius idea, we are not hobos, Hallelujah! lol we had the street name and house number my genius idea was to GPS us … in a taxi. Who knows that taxis aren’t Ubers?🙋 Well taxis aren’t Ubers, the taxi took all the turns the GPS said not to, I noticed something though; the GPS kept re-routing, over and over until we were standing at this house’s gate, it was amazing. I mean I knew that GPS re-routes but this one time this fact was quite heightened …

These past few years I have grown a lot in my spiritual walk … that sounds weird, what I mean is that I have grown in my relationship with God and I am invested in living out the purpose He placed upon my life. It is my heart’s desire to know Him deeper and know exactly why I’m still breathing, why He even formed me. That said I had just taken some turns in my life that I wasn’t sure of, turns I had taken with fingers crossed that they were ordered by God and leading me to a deeper knowing of who He is and who He says I am. At times I had a full conviction that God had ordered the steps and I was doing the right thing but there were also times where I felt like I had thrown my whole life down the drain

A while after the ‘taxi GPS’ day, I was having another “I threw my life down the drain” week, Holy Spirit whispered in my heart, during a conversation I was having with Zoe, I found myself telling her as Holy Spirit whispered in my heart that just like the GPS, God Reroutes, immediately I thought of the ‘taxi GPS’ day, and I knew exactly why it was so heightened.

A lot of physical things are a shadow of spiritual truth, this is evident in the bible over and over; how Jesus teaches in parables, how the old testament is shadows and shadows of the reality to come; perfect lamb offering a shadow of Jesus, the garden of Eden a shadow of heaven, and how the bible refers to the seed and soil as shadows of God’s word and our hearts…

“For the Torah has in it a shadow of the good things to come, but not the actual manifestation of the originals. Therefore, it can never, by means of the same sacrifices repeated endlessly year after year, bring to the goal those who approach the Holy Place to offer them.”-Hebrews 10:1

See I always had this FOMO, I had this fear that I would get to heaven and find out all these great opportunities that I had missed all these doors God had opened and I blindly walked past, and that’s all it would ever be; a missed opportunity. So you can imagine the peace and relief I felt in my heart when God told me that He re-routes, this didn’t mean that I had made a wrong turn, but it was Him saying He gives me endless opportunities and chances, He was saying I can never be lost while trying to find my way, that He would always be there making a way where there’s none, It was Him saying I can never be too far gone, that His love would always pursue and find me, His grace is sufficient, His power would be made manifest in my weaknesses, God was saying like a good shepherd He would leave the ninety nine sheep to find me.

That word from God lifted so much weight off my shoulders, and reminded me that my life wasn’t in my hands, what a shame it would be if a wrong decision I make meant -The End, but my life is in God’s hands, and He has the last word, and what hope it is to me and you that His last word is ‘life and life in all abundance’ -John 10:10. 

The word freed my clamped up wings, now I’m living in the moment, I’m more present and living everyday with a full conviction that I’m where I should be, doing what I should be, closer to where I’m going, and this isn’t about whether or not I made the right turn, it’s rather about how I’m walking in faith, faith is an absolute trust in God, beyond my understanding. Now life and decision making is a lot easier

“Simplicity is best” that’s what I’m writing about next, stay tuned …

Love Bleh

Bringing Love Everywhere However

💓💓💓

Fruit of the Spirit Diet

It is month four of me and David and what I can say is that God is faithful (Hebrews 10: 23), He never leaves nor forsakes you(Hebrews 13: 5), His promises are yes and amen (2Corinthians 1: 20), He holds you by the hand and guides you in your path of life (Psalm 16: 11), He leads you to all truth there is (John 16: 13), God will never leave you hanging 

Someone I know once said: Faith is like water running from a tap, everyone has been given the same measure, in actual fact the same as measure as Jesus's when He walked this earth, however some use up little faith by openning the tap just a little allowing for little drops of faith and therefore little or progressive results but some choose to let that faith tap run wild using up all their faith and getting instant results and living their life out of amazing faith. I believe we all want to let that faith run wild and that's what God wants for us aswell and I believe that is why He is constantly calling to greater things so we can step up our level of faith and trust in Him, cause to achieve greater things we need to more faith, well this is certainly the case in my relationship with Dave 

Our relationship survives, thrives and grows only on our faith and trust in God, His love and grace over us. So you can imagine how hard it gets on days where our faith is running low, when God is calling us to greater things but our level of faith needs a step up, when we havn't stepped on to the level of faith God is calling us to -lol it can get quite frustrating 

The honeymoon phase, a period normally known to be in the beginning of a relationship, when the relationship feels the freshest and most exciting. Estimated by experts to be the first six months to a year of a new relationship, this is also termed "new love". It is evident by the couple's crazy feelings for each other; during this time they are crazy 'inlove', absolutely inseperable and I mean, you just can't tell them anything, they are totally sure about each other and won't hear anything contrary to these amazing beautiful feelings they have for each other. I'm talking butterflies, weak knees, meaningless giggles, skipping heartbeats, matching T-shirts, the joined name, lol guys you name it, these two in their minds are married with kids running around their beautiful house their little feet making cute noises as they smack the heated tiles, I mean total bliss

Lol, total bliss I tell you absolutely beautiful but quite the contrary in me and mine's case. Having taken the decision to be together only based on the Holy Spirit's whisper and faith that we are meant for each other our honeymoon phase seems to have not yet kicked in. Reality took it's course and once or twice (or more lol) we've faced the decision to hold on to the beautiful promise we had that day on the 14th of October 2017, a promise which truthfully seems too good to be true, or will we reason it out, stop being crazy and "snap out of it"

Lol I guess we are crazy, crazy enough to hold on to the beautiful promise that looks impossible. Many times I came so close to snapping out of it but just then when I'm about to, right in the middle of my melt down, the Holy Spirit whispers a word in my heart or in Dave's heart and he'd tell me exactly what I need to hear right then to hold on a little longer and vice versa, he'd have a melt down and I'd have a word from the Holy Spirit and he'd hold on a little longer. And that's why I believe that a Godly relationship is not made up of two but three, and the most important person isn't me and Dave it's the third person of the Trinity, Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit holds us together and He's the only one who knows the way to make this work and without Him I doubt me and Dave would have survived even one week of this lol

"Crazy faith" I said ... "typa relationship where you take crazy faith steps together and have the same understanding that God is for you and never against you, where you draw love and forgiveness for each other from God Himself, where you both don't depend on each other's strenghth or wisdom or sanity for the wellbeing of the relationship but depend on the Holy Spirit to guide the both of you (individually and as a couple)". If you read my 'God, How do I Girlfriend?' post then you know this is the kind of relationship me and Dave agreed was ideal for us, God had worked up a desire for this kind of relationship in us. Four months later I'm glad to say it's exactly that, however it's actually easier said than done, it ain't easy at all, but it's beautiful, this is the best yet most challenging relationship I've ever been in.

What's beautiful is the growth, all  the things we are learning and have learned these past four months, the levels of faith that we have unlocked, the doubts we have overcome, the amount of love we have drawn from God for each other. Lol I promise you this relationship has me on a Fruit of the Spirit diet (Galatians 5); over and over I've had to chose to love David and grab the fruit of love, I've had to choose to be happy and grab the fruit of Joy, I've had to choose to be faithful, to be patient, to be gentle, to be kind towards David, yes I had to CHOOSE, it didn't come naturally, I had to decide, I had to be intentional about it.

Being intentional is something I've never had to be, well certainly not when it comes to relationships, it always came naturally, from the get go it just always seemed to flow, we just got along "it just made sense", but lol how easy it came always seemed to be how it easy it went hahahaaaa. God taught me, in quite a funny way, that love wasn't just feelings and maybe feelings wasn't even a fraction of it, yet it was more beautiful than those butterflies, and weak knees, and meaningless giggles and "it just makes sense". That's how he got me to get up from my crumbled down world (refer to the "I'm a God" post), that's how he got me to get up and try again, I knew there was more and I knew this "more" was more beautiful than my idea of love. However I also knew this 'more' meant letting go of my understanding of love and relationships which anyway had seemed to fail me multiple times, lol, first of all I knew I had to be intentional in my love, this reminds me of something I wrote after my last breakup:

"Decisions, not feelings, feelings come and go feelings are weak

 We feel all the time, often times feel things we shouldn't be feeling and sometimes for people we shouldn't be feeling those feelings for

It's about decisions, choosing to do what's right"

I've realised that feelings will follow any decision you make and be intentional about. Any decision you make and follow up with an action, your feelings or mood will follow through, this is the same logic behind choosing to be happy, by getting up and stop being sad and feeling sorry for yourself. My mom once told me "smile, your mood will follow"

I'm not saying it's easy but four months later I can say it's doable, and I can say it streghthened our relationship. It's faith isn't it? When Jesus prayed for the lame to walk He'd always say "now get up and walk" or heal the blind and say they should see.

James 2:26 says "...faith without works is dead". This is often misunderstood and translated to the famous religious line "God helps those who help themselves" / "modimo o thusa bae thusang". Quite the contrary, He actually helps those who don't help themselves, grace works where we rest, us working  actually always messes things up, like Abraham with Hagar (Genesis 16), everytime we try and help God we mess up even more. If you are choosing to allow God's help then you need to step out of the way, things will work His way and you won't get it, Faith can't be reasoned out by our canal mind, it's like a 3 year old trying to help you mop the dirty floor ... ima leave that up to your imagination lol

"Faith without works is dead" literally and logically means that if your faith doesn't have a corresponding act then it is pointless. If you have faith for healing you have to get up and "fake it till you make it" lol for real though, if you aren't getting up and walking then you don't believe that you are healed and I mean, it's not faith because the Bible says in Hebrews 11 :1 that "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". The bible says "Faith is now" that action accompanying your faith , it must be now

Me and Dave have faith for some crazy things lol, if I tell yall you'll think we are insane, and you wouldn't be wrong lol we sure are crazy to believe all this is possible, but I believe this is the kind of faith we need to have if we want to achieve great things. If the things you have faith for is possible in your canal mind then in my understanding that isn't faith in God, it's really faith in your understanding and reason, or faith in your understanding of God's power which I've learned we can never comprehend

1 Corinthians 1:20 "But God has chosen the foolish things of this world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty"

We see a seed -God sees a tree

We see a rock in the desert -God saw water gushing out of it (Exodus 17:5)

We see five smooth stones and young David -God sees them kill a giant (1 Samuel 17: 40)

We see a 99 year old Abram and his barren 90 year old wife -God saw parents of Isaac and made Abram- Abraham -Father of many nations

We see a baby in a manger -God sees saviour of the world

These are but the few times God made sense of the senseless and living in this kind of faith is a constant battle and renewal of ones mind. This kind of faith takes constant reconstracting of reality, a reality constracted for the past 23 years of my life and this is through constant meditation on the word.

Hebrews 11:3 "By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible"

This right here is the ancour of my relationship with David, our faith. Faith in our God, God our father who loves us enough to make it all happen and actually already has blessed us abundantly by sending his son Jesus to die for us to have it all. His son who says "I come so that you may have life, and have life in all its fullness"

This crazy faith ...that we will reach our honeymoon phase hahahaaa and so much more... this is what makes up our relationship entirely -faith. This faith is held up by many building blocks of scripture, lol guys I promise you scripture has never been so romantic to me hahaaaa, everytime me and David share the word which is practically all the time lol, I fall even more inlove with him. Romans 10:17 "Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God" our relationship has made me really understand this verse, everytime we share the word, we reach a new level of faith ancouring or relationship even deeper, growing our love more stronger, it's absolutely beautiful, a beautiful experience

I'm having to learn to boast in our weakness, like  Paul in  2Corinthians 12: 9 "And He said to me 'My grace is sufficiant for you, for my strenghth is made perfect in your weakness". Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my weaknesses that the power of Christ may rest upon me". I'm learning to see all the weaknesses in our relationship as an opportunity for Jesus' power to be made manifest, God uses our weaknesses to show his power -for His glory, so it's a matter of constant excercise of my faith and changing my frame of reference. Do I choose to see through the canal frame of reference or through God's, through His eyes, who sees our weaknesses as a platform to show His greatness and therefore give myself and our relationship as a vessel, a broken vessel, all for His glory

I've had to answer the question "what if it doesn't work out" and to that I say ... Me and Dave have had God completely re-define dating for us, God is teaching us so much and a lot of people are learning from our relationship and hopefully will continue throughout, learning from what He's teaching us too. That said, dating in my understanding is searching, and searching sometimes could mean you'll be sure you've found when in actual fact you havn't. God forbid but if we are wrong about this (which should be impossible seeing that we are seeing weaknesses as opportunity for God to work) one thing I know is if we broke up me and him would be able to stay friends because our intentions with each other are completely pure. In my little two cents worth of opinion I really think that's something our generation could learn, to "breakup well" we seem to get the happy times well but the bad times we are at each other's heads. It's okay to be wrong, and it sure would make being wrong feel better for both people knowing that you stayed pure, although there's still grace for those who don't.

My point and answer to the question is; just as relationship and dating is being redefined for us, if we were to break up, breaking up would also be redefined for us and for everyone learning from our relationship too, but that said "I don't believe He brought me this far to leave me"

So in conclusion the past four months of my relationship with Dave have been life changing and faith growing for me, it's been challenging I've had to legit step out of my comfort zone, I've had to learn to do things  a lot differently. I've had to learn to hear Holy Spirirt's voice the loudest, to silence all other voices and little by little Holy Spirit isn't that small voice at the back of my head anymore but I hear Him louder and hear His directions clearer. However it has also been really beautiful, we've grown together as a couple, the "romantic" love is growing, the transition from friendship to boyfriend/girlfriend is in progress and coming along quite well, lol.

We are learning so much about each other, it's funny because we aren't even on the honeymoon phase -which I'm not missing, lol I told God like "God, I'm having my honeymoon phase, do the most please" lol- we aren't there yet, and we aren't perfect either but I honestly wouldn't be doing life and this journey with anyone else right now, I wouldn't be dating anyone else. It's really amazing I'm learning so much about myself, I've had so much about me challenged that I never thought I had to deal with, many areas where I realised I'm weak and need God's grace to be better. I've learned to rule over my feelings and be intentional in choosing to love the God kind of way, and I know eventually the love in 1Corinthians 13 will be flowing natually out of me, and I'm happy to say I'm seeing it in progress

The most beautiful part of it all though, is that our relationship grows the more we seek God, it grows the more we realise God's love for us and grace over our lives and life together so we are constantly drawn to God, always seeking Him which in turn grows us more firmly together, it's beautiful. Best relationship ever, proving yet again that God's way is the best way

Mask off, head on my pillow ... a smile on my face

Feelings of worry and fear eat at my bones as I feel so inadequate and stuck in a society who's check-list boxes I fail to tick, who's order seems to fight my every being forcing me to put on a facade and live a life in which many would think -"most likely to succeed"

But head on my pillow, mask off - Blessing what the hell are you doing with your life? where are you going? are you going to get there?

Heart pounding, tears roll down my brown skin at the dull thought of a life, a life I don't want to live, a life that is not good enough a life that wasn't my dream when my grade 1 teacher asked me "Blessing what are your dreams for the future" this life that makes my stomach turn is the life I see in my future yet it does not have that joy and laughter and smiles that little Blessing dreamt of

Is this all there is to life? fairly not ...
Had I been living every second of my life in a four wall room my only dreams would be to see this ... this that wakes me up in chirping songs, this too that brings the light in the day
But I don't live in a box my dreams are not to see the birds that wake me up and sun that brings the light

My dreams are big, so big they scare me and quite frankly I don't think this conventional way the world is taking will help them come true and quite frankly again I don't like this conventional way
I'm starting to believe that it works for other people but not for others and for those it works for -bless, but for me it ends here, this is where I get off this ship, that to me feels sinking. Yes, maybe I should't, maybe I'm wrong but we both don't know so let me take one for the team, so let me get off my friend and we shall meet again, for we can never be too far off for His Grace to reach us and get put us exactly where we should be. Goodbye

Now head on the pillow, mask off -Blessing, what are you doing with your life? where are you going?

A smile on my face, well, I'm living in the moment, this moment, literally, the next five minutes.
That simple, I'm no longer doing anything that does not make me happy, if I don't want to do it I am not doing it. It is quite a statement but trust me when I say it is well thought out. I'm done doing anything I'm not enjoying in the hope that it secures tomorrow.
Like the birds of the air that fly freely as they sing and the beautiful bright flowers of the field that dance in the rhythm of the wind, I too am free, free of the worry about tomorrow. Like a child's faith in his father for food on his plate and clothes on his back, for toys in his basket, as he gobbles his vegetables with no doubt whatsoever that his next stop is the floating moon as daddy just said

I too have faith in my Father. My Father who created everything there is out of absolute nothingness. My Father who sent His son to give me life and give it "in all it's fullness". My Father who's command created the universe in all it's majesticness with the floating moon of course,  and right at the centre of it He created the earth and set everything in motion. Seeing that it was all good and well for my survival and pleasure -He created me, in His own image and breathed life into me

I believe that we were never meant to strive and labour to live a blessed abundant life, I believe our only labouring should be to enter God's rest like the bible says - "labour to enter His rest". I believe God set everything in motion simply for our pleasure and our enjoyment, that from his first command it was all for me it was all created out of love for me to enjoy. In my understanding there was a time that must have been the worst to live in this is the time after Adam and Eve ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil and before Jesus died on the cross. This time must have been the worst because a man was his own saviour, you had to fend for yourself and it was in your own hands that God saves you and blesses you, it was a time of bondage in my understanding, when people where bound by laws and religion, dos and don'ts. God had said to Adam "In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread", but He sent Jesus down to us to break the curse and set things right again

Now we don't have to 'toil to eat from the ground' anymore the curse has been broken, the ground is ours again, for our pleasure, in obedience to our command.

Matthew 6:25
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe youyou of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I realise that life was never about just surviving, the world has convinced us that it's a dog eat dog world and survival of the fittest kind of world well I'm happy to admit this right now, I'm done with this mask, done pretending that I am when I AM NOT THE FITTEST!!! Not even a little bit, I'm not the smartest, not the quickest, not the brightest, not the most beautiful , not the most poppular, I don't know what on earth I'm doing, you wouldnt be wrong to call me lost, to call me a wanderer, I AM.

I realise that my projection into the life I dream of is in my acceptace and acknowledgement of my weakness and inadequecy, because my faith should never have to be in myself but in Him who is in me, my faith should be in Christ who strenghthens me. In Him, through His Spirit, Holy Spirit my friend who comes bearing gifts I AM THE FITTEST. When I let go of my hope in my self and who I am and my abilities and capabilities, when I call all my credentials rubbish that's when God's power starts working in my life, my holding on to myself is me refusing God's help, that's me saying "I got this Jesus"but I dont 'got it' not even a little bit, I need help and I'm done looking like I know what I'm doing, I'm done sinking in this ship with a smile on my face

So I'm on the fun bus now, I'm not sure where its going, I don't know how this story ends but in this bus I don't have a mask on, in this bus we are all not sure where we are going but we are sure having a good time because we were never meant to know what tommorow holds but only trust God, who's "plans for us are never to hurt us but to give us hope and a future". In this bus we live by faith, leaning not in our own understanding, we live in undeserved favour, we are free like the birds of the air and the flowers of the field. In this bus I can not only see little Blessing's dream come true, in this bus I am living little Blessing's dream, In this bus is heaven, In this bus man is bestfriends with God His Father, in this bus we are living life, the life God gave up His life for, life in all its abundance, not worrying about tommorow, living in the moment, trusting in our Father.

In this bus we are not alone, in this bus we rest, in this bus we let go... Sgetit  

#IAMFREE

At a point in my life where I need to make a decision that could cost me ... or will it?

I love my parents to bits they are the best and I know everything they do is well within my best interests, every advice they give me every influence they have  in my decision making is all based on their personal experience and lessons they learned and their experience of life in general and it is all in the aim of making me a better person. they do all they can to make sure the best comes out of me and I appreciate all they do, it even pains me how much they get out of their way to make ways for us it is absolutely amazing ... tearing up as I type this ... and this goes out to most parents and guardians doing all they can to make sure they raise their children right

However what I will do differently is I will step out of the way... I don't know how possible this is for a parent but I'm hoping when I do become a parent I will read this and remember why I need to stay out of the way

I will stay out of the way because inasmuch it's my child they are God's and have a God given purpose, a purpose that God will reveal to them, a purpose that fulfils them a purpose that will actually bring out the best in them, this purpose is designed for them, they are born for exactly that purpose. This purpose surpasses any social order and could very well be a social wrong but this is what she needs to do.

I thank God that He started showing Himself to me in my youth because I get to share Him with my children from when they are born they get to grow up knowing the Holy Spirit having an intimacy with Him knowing His voice, with His help they will grow up hearing His voice the loudest over all other voices ... and that's why I am going to stay out of the way because I am going to let God parent my children for me

John 16: 13 "But when the Friend comes, the Spirit of the Truth, he will take you by the hand and guide you into all the truth there is"

Our opinion leaders, society, religion and social order make so many decisions for us; this is what you need to do that is what you shouldn't, you need to do this first before that, you can't do this now do it later, this is more important, don't do this don't do that ... These make it super hard getting into the purpose you were destined for, I know this because I'm faced with doing something that I know is my purpose but right now it goes against social order and it's absolutely terrifying

My mom taught me something; there's two truths, Truth #1. Is the truth as we know it in this world, by our minds, our five senses, our experiences and understanding of the world. Truth #2. Is the truth of God, the truth in the bible, it is the truth of Jesus, it is Jesus Himself (The way truth and life), It is the truth in us (Jesus lives in us)
You know the famous words "my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak" well that is a classic case of a normal Christian; a battle between what is truth to our canal being and what is true to our spirit being.
We say we are free but are we really? Am I?

Looking at myself I am in captivity, bound by a social time frame, bound by society's idea of how my life should be but most of all bound by my own attachment and need to fit into that society, bound to canal truth, bound to social order, ideologies and hegemony
for real, why do I need to fit into it, why am I even afraid to fail, is it mostly because it would hurt me or mostly because the reaction I would get from the society would hurt me? in simpler terms would failing even hurt me if the world hadn't put expectations for me?
well that is the story of my life right now, torn in between my most real spiritual being and my canal yet dominating self, torn in between two truths.
the conventional society truth forces me to live a life in a certain order to reach my goal, constructs reality for me pretty much black and white; go to school-get a job-live well (or not)

In the simplest and most A-rated way I like to think of myself as a Christian flower child ... I think that is one of the biggest reasons why Christ died, to free us from being slave to a conventional society, to live a flower child kind of life; carefree, take risks, fun, not uptight, fun, stand for love and peace, fun, worry free, fun... are you getting this? I strongly believe that God wants each and everyone of us to live our lives to the fullest he wants us to have fun and enjoy life, that's why he sent His son to die for us, to free us Jesus says in John 10:10 (...I have come that they may have life, and have it in all its fullness)

Jokingly this one time I wrote this as a caption of my boyfriend's photo with the flowers Snapchat filter "Jesus wore a crown of thorns so that we could wear a crown of flowers" but for real, He carried all the burden, took away all the curse and gave us blessings. God gave us all we need through the grace of Jesus and we receive it by faith but the world has convinced us that we have to labour to get the blessings well God says in Hebrews 4:11 "...Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest". The only work we should be putting in is towards entering His rest, entering this state of absolute trust in him, absolute faith, childlike faith in his parent, like the birds of the air and the flowers of the field

Matthew 6:25
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This is the spirit truth, it's the truth that burn inside me it is beautiful and exciting it sounds great, the Spirit is willing, but...
Every time I have to do something that I don't want to do all because I have to secure my future I honestly feel robbed. This is me saying every time I have to go to the exam room with puffy red eyes, looking crusty because I stayed up all night studying something I don't even like, something getting me deeper into mental captivity I hate it, I am upset, I want to cry, I don't want to and quite frankly I don't think I should.

I want to do the fun things only,  I'm jealous of people who get to do the fun stuff only, who make a living out of something they are passionate about and absolutely enjoy, get up every morning excited about the day ahead of them, excited about what they do. I want to travel the world and write as I'm being inspired by different people and different cultures, I want to visit hidden beaches, I want to get married young, I want to make Vlogs and be on radio, I want to change lives for the better, make a difference in people's lives, I want it all and I want it all now, I want to  live life the way it was meant to be, the life Jesus died to make possible for us -life in all its fullness

That is what living is, that is what it should be, that right there is freedom and I AM FREE...

that's why I'm staying out of the way

God, How do I Girlfriend? 🙈

Soooo, Saturday night I went to bed being someone's girlfriend🙈 ... lol poor guy doesn't know what He's in for 😂😂😂

Jokes! jeez, I',m kidding lol ... It's My long time best friend Dave😊, we've basically been friends for 5 years now, but I think we've known each other longer
I honestly don't know how to start explaining this and how it started but I'm hoping for inspiration from the Holy Spirit (furthermore referred to as The HS) to put it all in words simply cause I can't even comprehend what the hell is going on 😂

So me and him never thought we were each other's type, he liked light skinned girls (I think) and from what I knew my guy was going to be white, I love black love I just figured I'd never find a black guy who'd love me the way I desired to be loved the way god had put in my heart that I could be loved, until😊... I'm getting so emotional just thinking about this. My point is that we weren't looking at each other and we weren't really looking for the kin dof relationship we have, and are aspiring and having faith that God is leading us into
 ... And Dave couldn't be more black and my melanin popping boo😂😂😂

So how he explains it as told by The HS (we are both very Spiritual😂... and I laugh a lot, so brace yourself😂🙈) which I think explains it for me too and sorta set my confusion straight... God has been renewing us from the inside out and changing the ideas and ideologies we've picked up about relationships and ideal partners, The HS led him to this verse

Romans 12

1-2So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

3I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

So I'm not sure who started crushing on the other but I realised before he told me he was crushing on me that I'm crushing on him

How it started was he wrote a long status message on whatsapp describing his WCW, I read it and it was exactly my description of my MCM and I replied with an addition to what he'd already stated (mind you I already knew I sorta liked him) 2 days later he told me that as he was writing the status message he had me in mind 😊🙈 and I accepted to b his WCW 😂😁😂 I also told him that he was the only one that fits my described as well, i guess making him my MCM (It has nothing to do with the days monday and Wednesday, guys focus)

I guess question is, what did this description say, cause all along me and him weren't each others types so how are we all of a sudden crushing on each other?

Basically paraphrasing his description said:
My wcw is a girl I can hold a Jesus conversation with, someone who'd cause me to believe greater things in Jesus, a girl that can hold up the conversation that about Jesus' greatness and how the Holy Spirit is in us to lead us to the life Jesus died for us to live, the bible says when you behold Jesus you transform from glory to glory to the same, imagine beholding Jesus with your partner your relationship would transform from glory to glory to the same

It was longer than this, after I read it I replied to the status saying:
typa relationship where you take crazy faith steps together and have the same understanding that God is for you and never against you, where you draw love and forgiveness for each other from God Himself, where you both don't depend on each other's strength or wisdom or sanity for the wellbeing of the relationship but depend on the Holy Spirit's guidance for each other, typa relationship we don't see on TV or read of in books cause it's unnatural, it's unhuman it's Godly, it's Supernatural...

In all my Christian life (I like to say I was born Christian😂😂😂) I've never thought of that being my ideal guy or ideal type of relationship, my focus had always been on the outside man not the inside man, I'm not talking about his 'inner consciousness' or 'who he is inside', I'm talking about the Jesus in Him and who he is in Jesus. The scripture above explains how and why this complete shift happened and I think it's beautiful

So we established we were each other's typa crush but me and him hadn't looked at each other in that sort of way. We took the decision to get in a relationship. Lol it's crazy cause me and Dave have been friends for 5 years and we don't have those kinda feelings for each other, we just both feel very strongly towards each other in the sense that we feel that God wants to use our relationship together to show how He had intended dating and 'relationshiping'.

So honestly we don't really know what we are doing, because we dont know how to 'relationship' the God way, all we know is what we've seen and learned from the world and we not saying it's wrong or right what the world is doing, we just want our relationship to be inspired and led by the Spirit of Jesus. We both agreed that the relationship is God's to flourish all for His glory, we've offered it a sacrifice and so we are doing it as the Holy Spirit leads us, which only means that it's going from glory to glory and it's going to be one amazing joy ride

God just reminded me of something, Dave helps me lead our Hillsong Powerhouse Connect Group in Soshanguve -Spirit Intoxicated Connect. Now funny thing that the HS just brought to my attention is that the past 2 weeks we had been talking about relationships and godly dating, i hosted the first session making 3 points to consider when getting in a relationship

#1. It has to honour and bring Glory to God (In that it is important how you guys as a unit serve the Kingdom, and bring to the table as a couple)
#2. It has to honour your parents
#3. it has to be non-sexual

He hosted the second session and his points are
#4. Allow God to deal with your past so we can all focus on the future (by allowing His forgiveness for your sins, and receiving it to forgive others)
#5. It has to be Spirit led, where you guys pray for each other, in the Spirit too (He is crazy about the fact that when you speak in tongues it is actually the Holy Spirit praying for you -it is quite awesome though, have to agree)


The HS is adding these points as I was typing
#6. It should bring you closer to God not draw you away
#7. You are first God's before each other's
#8. There's greater grace available for your relationship, don't focus and depend on your own efforts



Today is Day 2 of our relationship and I like him, like, I like him-like him🙈😊

Happiness is a State of Mind

Everyone just wants to be happy! That's it! we just want to be happy!
That's all we are searching for that's all we are striving for, a state of joy and peace, just complete contentment. This is why we do everything we do, it's all to reach that state of fulfilment and newsflash! That's exactly what God wants for us aswell

Nehemiah 8:10
"The Joy of the Lord is my Strength"
Note how it doesn't say the strength of the Lord is my joy? Cause that's sort of how we live our lives, we think :

God strengthens us-to endure -in order to be happy
But that's not what the word says
The word says
He gives you His Joy -in order to Strengthen you

It's important to get the order right, His Joy comes first and then you are strong, and it's not just joy it's -The Joy of the Lord

There's teachings that God strengthens and grows us by using hardships, this upsets me cause it's such a misrepresentation of my Father and it's not biblical in so many ways but today we'll discus one:
"The Joy of the Lord is my Strength"

God gives you His Joy in order to strengthen you, so when you are weak, when you need strength He fills you with His Joy! not hard times, He doesn't 'send them' He doesn't 'allow them' in your life He Does Not!!!
God is a good God, not only is He a good God, but He is goodness itself, He is made up of everything good and therefore He operates in goodness, that's why when He created everything it says "and He saw that everything was good" that means He didn't create anything bad everything He created was good, this tells us that Everything bad that we see or experience is not from God

And anyway are we saying that God in all His majesty and greatness can't find a way to teach us without hurting us? Really? So He killed your mom, He broke off your marriage, He made you a joke all in the hopes of making you a better person? That's ruthless and that's not my Father that's not the God I serve He doesn't kill people, He doesn't take lives he receives, protects and flourishes them when we surrender ourselves to him He doesn't break marriages off

Points on how to receive the Joy of the Lord

#1. We need to Know Him

Quick question: if someone came and told you that the one person you trust, love and look up to killed a person, showing you pictures and showing you newspaper articles and all the proof that the person really did this what would you say?

Well I know I would deny that with every breath in me, not having any proof whatsoever to support that she wouldn't have done that, I would still deny it based on the fact that:
'I Know Her!! I know my mom/grandpa/sister wouldn't do that' I just know her man!

That's how God wants you to know Him, thats how deep the relationship He wants to have with you. He wants you to know Him in such a way that when someone says something about Him that isn't true, and they have all the verses to back this up meanwhile you have nothing from the bible but! You Just Know!
You know and you know and you know that the Father you have a relationship with, the God you serve, the Father you've experienced is not like that and He just wouldn't do something like that, and you know that if it weren't for the depth that you've  experienced Him, how He's revealed Himself to you then you'd actually be believing the fact but because you've encountered Him you know He wouldn't do something like that and you know that's not how He operates

This knowing
This kind of intimacy you can only have with God if you have His Spirit inside of you, my lil brother said something deep the other time that:

"It doesn't get any more deeper and personal than that"

Like he's literally inside of you, He knows your thoughts, He knows your doubts, He knows your confusions, He knows your concerns, He knows your insecurities, He knows how you think and therefore He knows exactly how to speak to you in a way that only you understand! He knows how to help you deal with your issues

#2. When you know Him you will Trust His promises

Do you agree that everything you want and need God has a promise fulfilling that? Absolutely everything you need and want  (You can give this a try if you up for the challenge ask them what they want and find the verses in the bible)

So why don't we have joy in that He is God and will not lie and if He says I have it then I have it? Why don't I trust His promises concerning my life, Faith!

Quick question: If a stranger came to you and promised to love and take care of you, would you believe them?

Probably not, cause I mean you don't know them😞

Well God knows how we operate and He knew we would need to know Him personally in order to wholly trust Him like He wants us to, so He made a way (as always)...

1Corinthians 2: 10-13
 "The Spirit, not content to flit around on the surface, dives into the depths of God, and brings out what God planned all along. Who ever knows what you're thinking and planning except you yourself? The same with God—except that he not only knows what he's thinking, but he lets us in on it."
John 16: 12-15
"I still have many things to tell you, but you can't handle them now. But when the Friend comes, the Spirit of the Truth, he will take you by the hand and guide you into all the truth there is"  
John 15: 26
"...The Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father will testify of me (Jesus)"

The Point I'm making here is that when Jesus left He sent down the Holy Spirit to be our friend, not only is He our Friend but He is here to have an intimate friendship with us

These verses tell us that the Holy Spirit
• Reveals to us the deep things of God's heart
• Leads us to ALL truth there is and
•Testifies of Christ, and teaches us about all Him and the father

Now take note that these are just some of the gifts of the Holy Spirit the Bible says in Romans 5: 3 "we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!"

#3. When you know Him and trust Him you Act likewise!!!

Quick question: Do you believe any of the things I've just said? How does it make you feel?

Well if it makes you feel hopeful about the future, and happy then you just received a gift from God- Faith
Faith in itself is actually a gift, a gift that comes by hearing the word of God when it's preached or revealed to you by the Holy Spirit Romans: 10:17

But Faith requires an action, it's logic, if you believe that you are healed you will get up joyfully and walk, if you believe you are freely blessed you freely give, if you believe that God loves you and "His plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a good future" like he says in His word, you will be happy, you will not worry about anything, you will be content  you will receive His Joy, and His Joy will give you strength
You need to make that act of faith it also encourages you personally, it emphasises to you that you really believe, it allows you to exercise your faith and grow it, faith to faith

If you won't walk when He says you are healed then it's your faith that you should question, but the faith we have is the same faith that Jesus had and used to heal the blind and raise the dead, the bible says in Romans 12:3 "God has allocated to each -a measure of faith"

Someone said faith is like a water in a tap, it runs freely on and on but it's at your control, one person could open up the tap to the last point and use up all their faith but another could open the tap just a little, using little faith. That control of our faith is what makes all the difference when taking all that God has freely given us through Jesus

Therefore you need to hear the word somemore, for a start I suggest reading that word that gave you faith the first time and believing the Holy Spirit for revelation and for Him to make that word alive again in you

#4. Total Surrender

Surrender and Humility is something I'll probably forever emphasise forever, because cause honestly that's the point you get to encounter God cause if anything God is touched by a humble heart, a heart that only wants Him, a Heart longing to know Him
Proverbs 22:4 "The payoff for meekness (humbleness) and Fear-of-God
is plenty and honor and a satisfying life"
Matthew 5:5 Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth
Proverbs 23:4 "Do not overwork to be rich, because of your own understanding, cease!"

•Surrendering means that you stop trying, you give up your efforts, you give up your knowledge, you give up your credentials
• Surrender has a corresponding act, letting go

It all begins at coming to the end of yourself, realising that you need His Righteousness -Jesus.
Paul in Phillipians 2 (read it) calls all His efforts of righteosness- all those things that people think are credentials for a right standing with God? He calls it all rubbish "in order to gain Christ and be found in Him not having my own righteousness" you can't gain Christ if you are still self righteosness, you need to surrender your righteosness for His which is Perfect -There's no Striving in His Grace

We need to get to that point, a point of absolute Humility and Surrender, there's nothing your efforts or performance can ever do for you that surpasses what you gain through Jesus' crucifixion

Life Worth Living

Dear Elsie

So I haven't written in a while, and I'm not really sure what I'm about to write about 🙈 lol but you know me...

I went to cell today (timeout zone) and it  being the last one this year we each were given a platform to reflect on the year, what we went through, what we learned what we are grateful for and all. So as I was reflecting on my year and couldn't say everything given the time I had been granted I figured I'll write about it and so here it goes

Lol ... it's actually kinda funny in a way lol don't laugh thou🙈 ... God is real and he's amazing, so during my hardships last year actually my last straw with that world I'd created (refer to last post) was on this day that I just broke down and not only did I break down but on that same day, same day I repeat, my phone broke down this was last year November that being the case all the captured memories and everything was inaccessible as I had broken my laptop aswell some months before ... I know right, I'm such a klutz ...
This Monday, literally a year after my phone broke down I got it fixed, all year long I wasn't really bothered with not having it but this weekend I figured I get it fixed and I did, finally getting access to all the memories and I realized something...

People like to say 'God puts us through trials to strengthen us' that's a lie, or they'll say, after going through hard times 'I thank God for putting me through that as now I've leaned this and that' that's so wrong and it paints my God bad
My God doesn't put us through trials and tribulations, He says in His word that "Trials and Tribulations will be there but I will be there with you" this tells us He doesn't send the troubles to us but troubles are there in this world, but He is here with us and guess what He is greater than the troubles, His word also says He makes all things work together for our good, now hold these thoughts

So (back to the phone issue) I went through my phone and at first I was scared, I thought the memories would send me right back to that dark sad place but something in me wanted to see and so I went through pictures, through messages with my friends crying about 'my crushing world' (refer to previous post) ... I laughed, lol for real it was so funny ... by the way I just realized how this is about to be long, so brace yourself ...

I laughed as I realised how absolutely pathetic I was, I was so sad, so vulnerable, so desperate it was ridiculous and I remembered God talking to me about idolatry, warning me about having made that world an idol and I fought it but as I went through my phone I saw it, it was as clear as day , I had made an idol of this world I worshipped it, it was my life my everything, it had taken the place of God in my life 

Imagine this ... you are born in a world that's figured everything out, a world that understands God, has a solid relationship  with Him and knows how to access His blessings and promises, that's figured how to make the right decisions meaning no mistakes and absolutely everything is done right, sounds like paradise doesn't it? The Garden of Eden? 

Well we aren't living in that world, and that's ohk, cause God knew it would be like this that's why he said there will be trials and tribulations, these come because at some point we make mistakes we get involved in things we shouldn't and issues come, think about Adam and Eve in the garden, it was paradise no problems whatsoever just joy, peace, and happiness, until they made a bad decision, until they decided to do things their own way, when they decided to not confirm with God first then boom 'Pandora's Box' 

When I decided to build up my world I didn't confirm with God if I was making the right decision I just jumped in, turns out the world wasn't legit and like a house built on bad foundation the world fell apart   -Trials and Tribulations will come
When my phone broke down it stopped me from making myself an even bigger idiot lol, inaccessed me  to memories of the world to hold me back, losing that world humbled me, lol life will humble you fam ... humbled, I was able to see my faults and learn my lessons, I was able to forgive, myself and others, I was able to reconnect with God who gave me a chance to see life in a whole different light, relationships, school, spirituality and just life in general, I became a better version of myself, stronger, fearless, more loving and caring, kinder, worry free, doubtless of God and His power, I realized that I was a spiritual being, a god, I'm wiser, I'm more confident in myself, I'm doing music now and I'm loving it, I'm part of a group of young people aiming for the stars and most importantly  I'm closer than I've ever been with God my father. Now I look back and I realise how God never left my side, how he was there with me making my 'righting' my wrongs, showing me the lessons to pick up from the whole ordeal            -But I will be there with you, and I will make all things work together for your good...

So through bad decisions, our own or other people's, we have trials and tribulations but God is with us the whole time and He makes all things including those trials and tribulations work together for our good... that's grace, Undeserved Favour and that's one of the biggest things what I've learned this year ...
His grace and mercy gives second chances in life it doesn't matter how many times I stumble and fall His Grace and Mercy will always be there to pick me up and give me a go, that makes life refreshing, knowing that you can never be defeated, that no matter the odds you have a father that's always got your back giving you more chances at life and making it better each time ... it makes life worth living

B.Nems

I'm a god

Lol what a title right? I haven't written in ages and I just come back with this bomb, lol hold your judgement stones relax, hear me out...

End of last year into this year I went through quite a hard time, most probably the hardest times I'll ever go through, I actually mean that, cause the lessons I learned through that whole time are life lessons for practically every rock I'll stumble on.
I talk about some of them throughout this post

1. Let God be the Centre of Your Life
Cliché right? I mean how many times have we heard these words before, well maybe you should give it a try hey...

I had made myself a world a world without God in it and I'd constantly try to convince myself that He was there with me but deep in my heart I knew it wasn't where God wanted me. There were red flags everywhere but hey! "I got this" #BatManVoice ... I can just swoop this one away like this and just put some white paint on this one "Look God! a white flag"
Weelll not really Bleh, that's not how it works #Wierd '~'

2. Our Prayers are heard and they are answered
Thing is when we pray we sometimes already have an answer for ourselves and we just want God to go with our plan lol uuhhmm not going to happen fam

... So This world starts crumbling down, bit by bit it's falling apart right before my eyes and I know there's nothing I can do to save it but ima try, lol hey!! This is my world ohk! I can't just let it crumble I can do a little bit of this right here, I can patch this crack over here and I can hold it up, I CAN DO THIS!! nope •_• No you can't
So I turned to God, at first my prayer was obviously "God please Father Lord God of Heaven and Earth who reigns forever more! You who saved the Israeites, Oh God of Jacob, God of Isaac, God of Abraha..." Lol I don't really pray like that😂I just couldn't resist🙈
My first prayer was really just asking God to save my world, more like begging really
But eventually the Holy Spirit just put this prayer in my heart

"More of you and less of me Jesus, You know what's best for me, your ways are better than mine so my life is in your hands cause in my own I'd be doomed, so Lord save me from myself"

I have to tell you, that prayer was the turning point of my life, I basically asked Jesus to intervene in my life to guide me, to be my shepherd and lead this sheep, and He did

3. Check Your Comfort Zone
Is it where you should even be? Mine wasn't ... And we all know how moving from your comfort zone can be the worst experience ever, you know like that moment right after you've snuggled up in your blankets with your favourite teddy on a cold night and you remember that you didn't put your phone on the charger? Lol weeell yeah maybe this was a little deeper than that...🙈

You've probably heard the bible call us sheep, and Jesus the Shepherd, well a shepherd carries a rod the rod usually has a hook thing at one end, this is to pull the sheep when it's going astray you can imagine right?! You are just there , having a good time, minding your own business, taking a nice walk and suddenly someone pulls your leg ...lol cummon guys focus, no pun intended... someone literally pulls you by your ankle, it's obviously uncomfortable, you'll probably fall, you'll be mad, you'll throw a fit, and probably TAKE IT OUT ON EVERYONE!!😠 ... Lol Hey! some people really don't like it when you pull their leg ^_^ couldn't help it
But you get the point, being forced out of your comfort zone really sucks, but I was going astray, God has a plan with my life and I was in the way of that, I had asked him to lead me so he was doing just that

4. Hope, always find hope and hold on to it

My world crumbled down...
I was broken in every ounce of fibre in me, I was at my lowest, trust me that was my lowest point. I was mad, mad at everyone, at God even, but I held on to this little hope he'd put in my heart this one day when I'd just given up and saw no point continuing
And little by little he helped me up, sometimes I was reluctant ... lol have you noticed that sometimes you get used to being sad lol I promise you, I'd feel myself being fine and decide to listen to that one song that I know will send me right where I was trying to move away from lol crazy stuff

5. I'm a Supernatural being, I'm a god
In the same way that an apple tree produces apples, a human being produces a human, a king produces a king, a god produces a god
The scripture also says that God makes man in His own likeness,

                                          We Are gods

The human body has limitations, it's hard to do certain things in your human nature, but when you tap into your supernatural self, your god nature you get to do the humanly impossible.
In your god nature you are able to do as Luke 6:28 says you can bless those who curse you and you can pray for those who hurt you because you understand that you are bigger than that.

The great Nelson Mandela was put through hell, his family was destroyed, his children are probably still traumatised by the whole experience. When you learn everything that man went through you realise how he had every right (humanly) to be mad and bitter and go on a rampage, but when he had all the opportunity in the world to revenge himself, a perfect revenge even, he forgave and instead fought for something bigger than revenge he fought for Peace, peace for all, he acted like the god he is

So I tapped into my god nature and I supernaturally forgave, I supernaturally loved again, I supernaturally found inner peace and it's not Chicken Licken hotwings lol those niggas lied.            
                                God my father is my Peace
                                     Indestructible Peace

To wait or not to wait

Is NOT the question to ask

Dear Elsie

So I decided to write about something I've been dreading to write about: Virginity and Christianity

Ohk so when we were younger             -I'm talking ages 10 and early teens, for some of us who played with toys till we were in high school 🙈-          we thought the opposite sex was boring right? Ohk lemme make this simple ...

Blessing at the age of 10

Alright I was a girly girl I thought boys were annoying and the world would do just fine without them, I thought I'd never ever have a boyfriend cause boys are stupid (I was a feisty one), I had a doll, Felicia was her name, my aunt loved to watch Felicia Mabuza's show that's were I got the name, uhhhmmm I was doing very well at school and that was my top focus, I loved playing, I loved toys, loooved swimming and didn't care how I looked in a swim suit

Now Blessing a few years later didn't think boys were so bad, I got along with a few and hey life was ohk.
Blessing underwent some body changes, had her first period and started feeling a lot differently about everything, life, School wasn't so important anymore, my attention was divided, studying was a drag, I realised I loved music, well writting I loved from as far as I can remember in my childhood, boys ... well my feelings for boys changed, I had my first crush, and then my first boyfriend, at first kissing was gross but later it was ... I guess ohk? It wasn't really about love or anything like that, it was about me doing it, everyone else was doing it so hey😐, my first boyfriend's duty in my life was actually to carry my school bag after school when he accompanied me home🙈 and I guess I kissed him as a 'thank you' you know,  those kisses on the cheek type of kisses

I got into more serious relationships and, y'all know there's some decision making now, to wait or not to wait, especially if you're a Christian like I am, church taught you that Sex Before Marriage is a Sin, just dating alone was wrong in the church I went to

"If you’re trying to share the Gospel with others, it’s probably best not to make someone else feel inferior, especially when it comes to virginity and “the wait.” words from a page called 'To Save A Life'

I feel that Virginity has become our Holy Grail, not just as Christians but also in our homes, Lol some of us's parents aren't hippies, sex is a taboo in our families, you just don't do it nje end of discussion! Keeping your virginity is the one thing we want to achieve so bad but it's hard to, We want to give our later spouses the honour of being our first but how many pull through? A lot have failed to and for that reason they lose themselves in their paths to find themselves in other people, cause they now don't feel welcome at church anymore and the church has taught them that sex is bad and dirty and God doesn't love people who do it ... at the wrong time

Our Holy Grail as Christians has shifted, We should, more than anything, strive to have a solid relationship with God, strive to know him more, understand his things and when we do strive to help those who don't get it to finally do.
As Christians we've neglected the work of Jesus on the cross and took it upon ourselves to strive to please God and when we realise that we can't fulfill the laws we back slide in our Christian walk, cause we feel guilty and dirty and unworthy of God's love and favour

Jesus died on the cross because God saw how we were failing to live by the laws, I've realized that the laws in the Bible are to show us how we actually can't follow them so we can give up our efforts, give our life to Christ and let him help us to follow them so we can be like him.
I think my mom is a wonderful parent and want to be like her to my kids, the only way I can do that is if I let her teach me how ... Same applies in our strive to be like Christ, we want to be like him but we don't give up and let him help us be like him

Don't get me wrong I'm all about doing what's Biblical, it's good to wait till you are married before having sex I don't, not even for a second doubt that, I mean even when we weigh the results of doing it at the wrong time there's more bad to good, BUT! don't keep your virginity it in the aim of pleasing God, only by receiving Christ God is well pleased with you and trust me nothing you do or don't do will make him love you any more or less ... Just let go and let Christ, he'll lead you into greater things you'll one day look back and realize that he's effortlessly walked you out of a pit you were busy digging up for yourself.

The Lord says come as you are, he'll make you better ...

We are like a little kid who is trying to tie his shoe but can't get it right and still doesn't want his dad to help him
"I can  do it myself" he says the dad is just there like
"but you keep messing it up, let me help you"
once he gives up and let's the dad help... 👟 everything works out (The HolySpirit just gave me this scenario🙏)
... Stop trying, rest and let him, you'll see just how easier it is to do what's right when you let him help you, when you let him teach you, the Bible constantly calls Jesus 'Teacher' well now you know one more reason to a lot, why

Have you given up all to Christ or not?
Now that's the question to ask

😘😘😘

I don't know if you know but ...

Dear Person Reading This

Jesus loves you

There's something I haven't really made clear about me in this blog, I'm Christian, full on, born again Christian who's washed by the blood of Jesus, fearfully and wonderfully made by God in his own image, made righteous, perfect and holy in my unrighteousness, imperfections and unholiness by the finished work of Jesus on the cross

I believe in the unconditional love of God, that is never ending, I believe that it all comes down to love, he loves us he always has not because of what we do but because he is our father
Born again or not he loves us all, that's why like a good parent he gives us free will to do as we feel is right, and inasmuch as he'd love it if we chose him he won't force you cause he's a good father he won't force his children into doing what they don't wanna do

I'm not perfect, I have shortcomings and issues that I battle with everyday. Until the message of the grace of God came to me I always felt I was not good enough for God, I felt I was so far from him, so 'dirty' for him to even look at me but I heard that God loves me not by what I do but by what I am which is his child and I've never been the same again I promise you I've become closer to him than ever,  he's my friend if you've ever seen me talking alone now you know Who I was talking to The Great I Am

I'm not a preacher of laws, [do's and don'ts] but of the love our Father has for us.
Christianity is not about do's and don'ts it's about what has been done for us  already, Christianity is the only religion in which God reaches out to man. All other religions are attempts by man to reach up to God. It's the only religion where our leader came to earth and lived this life we are living, Hebrews 4:15 says " For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. "

When I'm facing challenges in life I wonder how I'd get through them if I didn't have Christ, I don't have to bring a sacrifice I don't have to do anything I just need to  talk to him and he makes everything work together for my good

If you know  that  you've never  allowed Christ to save you from yourself, [cause trust me, in our hands our lives are in vain] , to be your Lord, to make you new, to be your  Father, to come in your heart and be your saviour, and you know in your heart that you need him make the best decision of your life, it comes 2nd to nothing, receive FREE gift of life eternal, pray this prayer ...

[Lord, I come before you as a sinner admitting that I cannot do this life without you, I am nothing without you, I need you.
Father come into  my heart and be my saviour, be my Lord,  be my friend,  be my adviser be my ALL
I believe Jesus, that you died for my salvation and I receive my salvation this day, teach me your  ways, lead my paths and make me new] 
Amen

IF you wanna talk, need to understand more about God and Christianity as a lifestyle Not a religion, just hala and trust me I'm more than willing to talk especially it's beneficial for one

Facebook : Blessing Nemakanga
Email         : bleh.less@gmail.com
Cell no       : 0747721165
WhatsApp: 0747721165